Bad Parenting

I am on the computer. Felix is playing in the same room. Then Al wakes up and says, "OH MY GOD! What the hell!?" It seems Al left his cigarettes within (easy) reach of Felix and while I had my head turned he dumped out the smegs, put some in his toy bus and chewed on one of them. Now, its half my fault for not watching him, but the first thing Al says is, "Why weren't you watching him?" and I am thinking to myself, "what dumbass leaves their smegs out in plain reach of a one and a half year old?"
I saw this commercial once where this guy was like, "When my kid picks a cookie off the floor, I say,'Don't eat that,' but really, I am thinking, 'Five second rule. That cookie's still good!'" Its the story of my life.

Best Corn Chowder EVER.

nuff said.

Fun with Digicam!

So, I bought myself a Digital Camera... yay! Which of course means that I have to take a bunch of pictures of me and Al being stupid (and by stupid, I mean AWESOME).
Here is a picture "story" I told. Its like interpretive dance but with a digital camera. Its pretty self-explanatory...

Ranting on myspace.com!!

OK, so in the last week I have heard a bunch of crap about myspace. I am the last person who hears about this kind of shit even though I am CONSTANTLY on the internet. Then I find out that everyone and their mom is on here- every band, every hot guy, every douchebag, everyone except me. Even that shit Carson Daly. I don't like guys who turn orange from spray tanning. THEN I talk to a friend who I haven't talked to in a super long time and then he's like, "Yeah, check out myspace!" The picture of him was really hot so I had to try to take a picture of myself that was kind of hot, which is hard 'cause I am drunk, just took my make-up off, and I'm wearing a nightgown and tube socks, as you can see. Plus I have a big Jew nose and tiny eyebrows, as you can also see. Regardless, now I am cool 'cause I am on myspace (?).
In recent events I went out with my friends tonight. We drank alcoholic beverages, danced to 60's music, and they all asked me what a "Wony Tail" was 'cause I am the most ghetto of all of them. Hee hee, they all spent $100,000 on their college education and they can't figure out what a wonytail is.
Also, I am watching "Choppertown" and two guys just kissed each other on there- it was so hot. Not like french or anything but just two straight, badass Sinners just kissing like, "Dude, I love you. You are my brother." And then they hug. How awesome is that.
I got back in touch with my ex and friend Chad, who is the fuck who pushed me over the edge and mentioned myspace, but anyway I emailed and told him I am thinking of moving to Orange County, CA and he wrote: "I fucking hated that place worse than i hated L.A. Its a suburban nightmare with a shit tone of money, every guy wears girls pants and every girl looks like Paris Hilton. The only part about living out there i actually enjoyed was getting stoned on the beach at night. Oh yeah the weather is enjoyable also." I had to laugh 'cause: a)we both spent the first half of our lives in the shittiest, most narrow-minded, assbag suburbs ever, and b) Chad is a journalism student and he has the most heinous spelling ever.
The school term ended this week, thank God because I hate school so much. When I graduate I am going to make a shirt that says, "I Hate College." Then I am going to register for graduate school because I am lame. I am either going to graduate and never set foot in school again, or I am going to be one of those college lifers that keeps going to school so they don't have to pay back their student loans.

Rachel and Alex Looking Super Hot!

Here is a pic that Rachel sent me of her and Alex. They are our "couple friends." She likes being crafty, wearing a lot of makeup and complaining (which makes she and I perfect friends), and Alex likes playing guitar, speaking before he thinks and the heinous mispronounciation of polysyllabic words (which makes Al and him perfect friends). We went and saw "Walk the Line" together (which was a great movie by the way), because we all love Johnny Cash.
Thing is, Rachel and I were friends when we were in high school and lost touch. And Alex and Al have been friends for a long time too. Al and I were hanging out at our friends' house and they were talking about "Oh yeah, Alex and Rachel are coming over... Angela I think you will like Rachel." And she walked in the door and we looked at each other and screamed. It was a totally bizarre moment.
Read about Alex's band the Mojo Spleens here. They are an awesome surf-punk-billy band and are playing Al and my wedding.

I'm a Fricken Genius! Kinda. Maybe...

I took the Mensa online workout today. Here is what those smart sons of bitches said about me:

Your score was 21 out of 30. That is a very good score, you would have a good chance of passing the Mensa test.

Then they harshed my buzz by saying this:

Please note that the Mensa Workout is NOT the official Mensa test, and your score will not qualify or disqualify you for membership.

I totally had to blog that, because no one really cares about the Mensa test in my social circle. They either: a) went to prestigious private universities (i.e.; Smith, Hamline, etc.), b) don't know/care what Mensa is, c) are in a coma, or d) could kick my ass at the Mensa online workout.

I wonder how Al would do. Al, at times, says the stupidest crap AND doesn't know how to do menial adult tasks, such as balancing a checkbook, remembering to pay bills on time, making grilled cheese, et cetera. BUT, he is one of the smartest people I know. He is one of those people that is so smart that simple things confuse him. He says that he is full of useless information, and every time he learns something new, something old gets pushed out of his brain. For example, one day I said, "Hey Al, did you know Mila Kunis from 'That 70's Show' is Jewish?" and he said, "Well, now I do, but I forgot how to brush my teeth."

California Dreamin' on Such a Winter's Day

This dog will bite his owner soon. He doesn't like the midwest either.

Wow! Sheer paradise!


SCREW THIS! I want frostbite.Ooh! And a dead car battery might be fun too.

A snow advisory has been issued for the entire city of Minneapolis!! Read more about it here. Al came home from work this morning (at 3am) and told me that he was only going 30 miles per hour on the highway and almost lost control of the car at least once. The fact that he is working overtime for his family and as a result is risking his life by sliding all over the road is unnerving, to say the least. When Al got home, he said to me, "Um, WHY do people LIVE in this state? Who ever thought, 'You know, I really want to live in a place that is so cold, I can't even drive a car!'" Imagine before there were cars and people had to walk everywhere in this crap. Don't people know that there are beautiful places in the world with mild winters? No winters at all? Now, I know that many people enjoy things like: rusty cars (from salt on the roads), puffy coats, car accidents, misery, heating bills during an gas shortage, blistering cold, annoying Scandinavian-esque accents, Bill Cosby sweaters and boredom. I am not one of those people. In fact, I wasn't even born in this stupid state. I was born in Texas, apparently in a town that was not all that great. But I bet it was warm. The fact that people live here BY CHOICE and that many people MOVE HERE from other places is puzzling at best. My apartment manager moved here from Orange County, California. He needs to be hit on the head with a tack hammer, because he is retarded. I am just so looking forward to moving somewhere beautiful and warm and never deal with this again!

Drunken Cakes!

Ah, my best friend Cakes (Kayla) makes me laugh. She is responsible, reliable, dependable Cakes. Which is why this email she sent was so hilarious. Its in response to my Hanukkah party. While the email is BARELY decipherable, I take it she was trying to tell me she couldn't come:

You're going to kill me. I am drunk right now, but I just got your email and found out that I HAVE to work on that night. I tried to get it off, I'll still try, but what's the point?> I'm doopmed!!! What the hell? I hate the Woman's Club, they suck my soul, but pay well/. Don't be mad. I'll makae u utit up to tyou.v I promise. I will.

Boooboooboob urnsbiobooobo

~Drunk kaula

Here is a picture of Kayla on another occasion, drunk as hell at Psycho Suzy's Motor Lounge on her birthday. And Tez and me, also drunk, but not as funny because we are not pre-med graduates that always use two forms of birth control and have perfect credit scores, which explains why I have a baby and Tez has a great shoe collection.


And Lida, trying to justify something. Like her love, maybe. Her love of rum drinks.

So DAMN Tired!

I bet there are lots of people out there with their lame posts about how tired they are. But rest assured, I am more tired than all of those stupid people!
First off, I have insomnia, big time. I can probably blame this on Al, because he works so late, or I could blame it on the GREAT TV that is on at 2 am (informercials, etc.), but to be honest I think its just a chemical thingie. It is so irritating!
But wait, THERE'S MORE! (speaking of informercials) Felix woke up SCREAMING this morning, bright and early at 5am. Did I mention this was almost the exact MOMENT that I had finally fallen asleep? Al gets up, takes care of him, then goes to bed. More screaming ensues after a short period of sweet, sweet silence. I look at Al and say, "Will you please get the Bear?" and he says, "But Mama, I have to WORK tomorrow, and I am so tired!" I have no sympathy for him at this point, even though I should because he was not only awake as long as I was, but he was also WORKING. So he gets up again to calm the Bear. Long story short, Felix starts screaming what seems like every 20 minutes, and Al and I are physically exhausted.
Did I mention that I have a job interview today and that I desperately need to go to school because my attendance sucks and it is the last week of the semester? And that Al is working overtime today? Al and I started yelling at each other, half-asleep, making foundationless arguments WHY the other person needs to get up instead of us. Even while we are yelling and arguing, we know that once we get some sleep we will realize how dumb the arguing was and laugh. But in the moment, its like you will do ANYTHING to just close your eyes and go to bed- your partner is the enemy, and you must manipulate them into thinking they are a bad parent so YOU can be a bad parent and go to sleep. So now I am up with the Bear, NOT going to school and NOT going to the interview. And SO DAMN TIRED. Felix is very lucky he's adorable because I don't do this for ANYONE but him!

Felix is Starting His Blog Today!

My Ozzie-Japanese friend from Craftster, Bex, started her little girl a blog. Of course I am so jealous, so I thought maybe Felix should have one! It gives me an excuse to organize and show off all those pics of him!
The only thing I hate is the nervousness of posting pics of his first bath, etc.. When I was a little kid (which was not so long ago, by the way), getting your nakey picture taken was a rite of passage, and something treasured as a moment in time before you had shame about your body, and were so happy to just run around like a little jaybird! Its sad and angering that people find more in it than that.
Plus, when Felix brings home his first date she will think the pictures are SO cute! :) Al's mom (Felix's papa) has a picture of Al dancing nakey when he was 3 or 4- he was so adorable! Of course, Al hasn't changed much- our friends nicknamed this the Naked House, because everytime they call and ask what we're doing, we say, "Oh, nothing. Just nakey."

First Post

AH, these blog things are pissing me off. I want one so bad (so I can be a cool kid), but I am so computer-illiterate. Maybe its because its 2 in the morning. In any case, now I am out for blog blood. I WILL make a blog, Oh yes, I will. In the mean time, here is a picture of my guy Felix and me, for your viewing pleasure.